COMING HOME

Looking down at my blood-drenched clothes I felt another wave of exhaustion wash over me, my vision swam as heavy eyes insisted on closure. My feeble attempts to stay awake were for naught as the wall I sat against disappeared along with everything else and my body lurched back at the sudden lack of support.

Everything changed.

I look down and search my naked body for the holes that were causing me so much pain only a moment ago. Seeing and feeling nothing but my own flesh; I quickly dismiss the injuries as unimportant. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know it’s unusual that I’m un-concerned by this.

Is this a worrisome dream that is easily forgotten upon waking? No, that was my life I’ve awoken from. My whole existence!

Flexing my toes the course black and grey sand makes a small crunching sound and I push myself to my feet. My vision travels up to the starless night sky, an alien sky that has a tinge of familiarity to it; and for a second I am somehow envious that I may never be the sky.

My legs seem to move themselves toward the water’s edge and already I am confused as to what happed right before I came to this place.

How odd it is, that I am soothed by the sight of the endless black water stretching out in every direction from my tiny island. Comforted by its sight in the same way one is upon seeing their home after being absent for so long.

The near-silent waves gently lap against my meager footing, make me wonder if this place exists only in my mind.

The smooth undulations of an all-encompassing ocean are hypnotizing, beckoning me to lose myself out there.

The warm air reaches out and with a firm encouraging hand urges me into the endless ocean and I stumble forward. It dances. Promising to take away the pain I have carried for so long.

My toes barely touch the water and any sense of fear or doubt flee from me in an instant, replaced by the steadily growing sense of rightness.

Before I can make a decision, my body is already moving deeper and deeper out into the cool refreshing water. The sand quickly falls away and I miss its touch; not at all.

Swimming out further the only land I knew in this strange, yet familiar place is already a distant memory and one I don’t particularly desire to hang on to. Laying back I effortlessly float upon its surface and once again stare toward the sky.

I forget how I arrived here at this wondrous place.

Slowly my memories disappear. The name of that old friend, where I used to work, where I lived and the emotions that came from these experiences vanish as fast as I can recall them.

The cool water draws out all the burdens of life. Feelings of anxiety, depression, fear, and hatred all dissipate until I am happy. No not happy, that is gone too. Content.

The memories that have disappeared from my life are being replaced by old knowledge from before my brief existence. My soul was a drop in this endless ocean before I was born and now I’ve returned. I remember now, every conscious being that was birthed into existence I put in a drop of myself.

‘The eyes are the window to the soul.’ I whisper to every creature. The black centre of the eye is the drop of this ocean I placed there to witness every deed good or evil and upon returning to this place it is the only thing that matters.

I move my hand to paddle out further and I can’t seem to feel where my body ends and the water begins, a need for the water to cover me entirely rises within, for the first time I feel truly at peace.

Taking my last breath, I don’t even try to savor it as I let go and allow myself to sink beneath the surface and the water begins to fill my lungs, nose, and eyes.

I sink down deeper until the surface is completely lost to me, and the cool water gradually turns cold; I revel in its magnificence.

Satisfaction washes over me with the realization that the knowledge I obtained during my existence was as important as the trillions of others that have existed before me, and mine shall be added to theirs in this vast network of shared experiences that stretch back a millennia. I am not just sinking aimlessly, but being guided to a specific location. I am a unique puzzle piece that fits in the most comprehensive collection of memory and experience to ever exist and as I near my final destination I see glimpses of my former self through the eyes of others. Friends and family members that died decades ago, someone I met at a house party one time, a stray I patted one time. All of those interaction were more important than I ever knew possible. Every kindness, every hate filled word was witnessed and recorded by everybody from every angle and I bought all of that experience back home with me.

Soon I will have collected every experience from every creature from all time and then I will create my own form and start my own universe. Not much longer now, another 3 million years and I will be ready.

My mortal body and mind are already less substantial than they were moments ago, and just as the water absorbs the last of my being in its entirety, a burst of relief fills me. The relief of returning home after a long adventure, one that lasted a lifetime. Material existence was an honor, but now it has come to an end and I am finally back where I belong.

I am home,
I am the oneness,

I am the Abyss.